ADULTHOOD 101: …. THE YOU IN YOU……

I don’t know how long it has been since I last tried new clothes my Mom bought me, I also don’t remember last time my Mom sent someone to fetch me while I was outside playing and I don’t remember last time I cried so hard because she was leaving me behind and I don’t remember the last time I removed my uniform and rushed outside while being oblivious of what is happening around and not worried of what will happen tomorrow.

It feels like everything has rushed so fast, everything has changed so fast and without knowing it, here we are.

Nobody is telling you what to do, yes there are people who are commanding you for their own benefit obviously but they are not telling you what to do with your life, they are not telling you how to take care of yourself, they are not showing you how to do it and they are not calling you out on your mess not like when you use to play in the mud outside and your Mom, Dad or siblings would shout at you when you come back trenched and covered by mud. It is not like that anymore, sadly.

As much as I don’t like to be told what to do, I think miss it. At some point I wish someone would tell me what to do because at the end of the day I end up disappointed on myself on the things that I didn’t do and I have got no one to blame. I could use even a minute of not feeling guilty of what I haven’t accomplished be it in a day, a week or a year.

So let’s see, no one told us how this is going to work, no one showed us exactly how it is done. We have seen people doing it before us but when we do what they did it is not working on our favour BOOM nobody told us the formulas also change actually nobody told us every particular person comes with their own formula. Our bad we never read the poster oh I forgot there wasn’t no poster to begin with.

I think that’s how it feels growing up, we still have family, friends and colleagues around us that are always there when we need them maybe sometimes not, because we are all up to something one way or another. There is a day you feel like doing it all and there is a day you will feel like “how can I make it through this day” and no one is there to push and no one is there to shout at you and no one is there to tell you “stop being lazy!!!!!!” . But we get the caring gestures “How are you doing?”, “How is it going?” “You are good at this, I know you can do it”, “Is everything okay?” and we answer with a big smile everything’s is perfect but deep down we know damn right it’s just shambles.

After all that what’s next, we go back and be kids again or we call MOM and tell her what happened of course she is going to calm you down and keep you going, but she won’t show how it’s done she barely knows what you do. But there is another you inside you, the one that calls you stupid when you are being stupid, the one that calls you lazy when you are not getting the job done, the one that talks to you like you are crazy when you are actually being crazy, the one that says “THIS AIN’T IT” and you think twice on whatever you want to do.

Yes, that YOU in YOU should keep you going, that YOU in YOU is the grown-up version of Mom, Dad, Siblings and Relatives and all the grown-ups that use to call you out when you were wrong or remind you the right thing to do. I know how hard it is sometimes to listen to the you in you, remember when we use be so mad when someone tells us what to do but we still do it? we walk around mad but we still get the job done be it washing clothes or just putting plates on the table, be mad, be tired, be bored, be off-mood but listen the YOU in YOU and if it’s still disappointed that’s how it shouts at you.

Love, Evelyn.